Mama

 In a sad turn of events for the new year, my mom - Mama Elsie Diongson Au, passed away today, just before 9pm at their home in Bulacan. She had been battling a series of health issues in the past few years including cancer, stroke, and diabetes. Last year, she had one of her legs amputated due to diabetes complications and had to go through long and painful recovery. And in the past few weeks she had been complaining of breathing difficulties. 

I'm at a loss for words, so I'll just past Ethan's message on Instagram.

https://www.instagram.com/p/DESTd3vzUsP/?img_index=1

Just yesterday, my grandpa called my dad, his son. My dad and I were in the car, driving back home, and we greeted my grandparents with a Happy New Years and lots of love. My grandma, who’s had health issues for years now: complications with diabetes, amputation of her leg, was sulking as my grandpa teased her about all the effort he put into taking care of her in their comfy rural Filipino home. I could tell just how much love there was in that relationship, a marriage that had lasted for decades and that had overcome some of life’s greatest trials. When I said goodbye to them, I thought little of it. I regret that. I wish I had said “I love you” a little more.

We were able to visit them in the middle of last year, an opportunity I will forever be grateful for. I saw just how much both of their lives had changed - my Mama and Papa, who used to take care of me as a young child, were both weaker than before, and had very clearly aged. They hadn’t used their second floor in a year, as it was too difficult for my Papa to help my Mama up with her wheelchair to sleep on their upstairs bed, so they had a makeshift setup on the couch downstairs, in their small living room. They would sleep right next to hanging picture frames of my family and my cousin’s family, a reminder of the wonderful life they had brought into this Earth.

My Mama was able to celebrate the new year, and I am so happy that she and Papa were at a friend and relative’s home for the party. That meant that tonight, on January 1, 2025, my Papa was not alone as my Mama took her final breath. I find comfort in the grief knowing that he is surrounded by people he trusts and that will support him. I also find comfort in knowing that my Mama will not suffer anymore after many years of worsening health conplications, and that my Papa no longer has to shoulder the heavy burden of solely caring for his longtime partner.

I have spent the past few hours contemplating many things in my life. The fragility of life and how death can be both expected and sudden; my health and what I must do to ensure my future; and, most of all, how I can prepare myself when those I love leave me behind.

Sending love to you all.